by Thomas J. Belknap Kuhl the Engines: How to Look Like You’re Desparate

RocTurn had the original post, and Zinnian Democracy follows up on the apparently hasty campaigning that Kuhl and the Gang have been doing in the last week. It’s as though someone just checked thier email at campaign headquarters and realized they’d better get Randy back to the district, quick. No time to carry Washington Republican water when you’ve got a campaign to run.

But for me, it was the Zinn peice that really gets me. Or rather, what he discovered: three letters to the editor of the Star Gazette all in praise of Randy Kuhl, all in the same week as he’s suddenly found on the campaign trail, and all hitting his favourite bullet points.

Even more amazing: they’re practically the same letter. It’s as though your third-grade teacher asked you to complete an assignment, writing an essay on why you think Randy Kuhl is the bestest Representative ever. In this essay you must:

  1. Write at least two sentences (but no more than three) in the first paragraph explaining a a service Randy has performed that made your life better, or a problem for which Randy offered a solution.
  2. Write at least three sentences (but no more than four) explaining what Randy did and how your situation was made better.
  3. Write at least one (but no more than two) sentences thanking Randy for his efforts and praising him to your fellow readers.

The best essays will be judged by your teacher, and winners will recieve a gold star and an extra juice box.

I shouldn’t make fun: the people who actually wrote the letters were most likely quite sincere in thier desire to help out a representative that they support.? Moreover, I’ve been a part of a letter writing campaign for causes in which I believe, so I’m not criticizing the simple act of mobilizing your base to support you publicly.? What is pathetic is how obviously staged the letter writing is and how collosally bad the timing was.? It isn’t exactly like the Star Gazette is being flooded with letters to the editor, you should probably have staged them out a bit more.? Next time, guys, keep the requirements a little loose and the timeline a little more staggered. . . .

3 Responses to “Kuhl the Engines: How to Look Like You’re Desparate”

  1. July 25th, 2006 | 10:07 pm

    They almost sound like they were computer-generated. I have a friend who is a computational linguist who says that sort of thing will be possible soon.

  2. July 25th, 2006 | 10:13 pm

    I had exactly the same thought, so I Googled the names of all the people who wrote the letters. Whatever else may be true, the names are of legitimate people living in the towns they say they’re from.

    Of course, it’s possible he may have killed them and began using body doubles from the planet Zubarek to unleash his diabolical plot to fill small-circulation newspapers with positive stories about him, thus furthering his plot to take over the world.

    But that doesn’t seem very likely. Whoa! Is it hard to tell it’s past my bed time, or what?

  3. July 25th, 2006 | 10:19 pm

    Kuhl definitely has a Zubareki cast to his features. I wouldn’t put it past him.

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