Rochester, NY
23 April 2014
 
    Photo: diesel_travis @ Flickr.com

    Chester Cab Pizza is closing.

    Well, no. Not really. But that didn’t stop the owner from announcing as much online and causing a minor freak out on Twitter and elsewhere:

    That tweet got lots of reactions, including a retweet from myself. Why wouldn’t it? Chester Cab has been a fixture on Park Avenue since the early 80′s. This isn’t Angela Hong’s fault, either. The press release, which is also posted to the front page of their website, intimates pretty clearly that Chester Cab is closing:

    It is with a heavy heart that owner and founder of Park Avenue’s Chester Cab Pizza is slinging his last pizza. The store, located at 707 Park Ave, had just surpassed its 30th year in business.

    Note the use of the past-tense “had just surpassed..” What a silly mix-up that was, huh? But all is not well among the Captains of Pizza. Alas:

    Nielsen states that even though sales have been steady, “…it is the rising expenses that took us to the point of unprofitability. In past years, I have noticed that our margins were going down but decided to keep the business afloat for better days to come.”

    Uh-oh. George is getting upset.

    In the rest of the third-party voiced press release of a single small business owner, “Nielson states” his many memories of slinging pies in Rochester are fond ones. But… (rrrrrumble!! dark clouds on the horizon!!):

    “I probably could keep Chester Cab Pizza going for a while more. But when I see the mandates that businesses will be required to comply with by 2014, I figure those would be the mandates that would break the camel’s back. So why wait, my work is done. Why delay the inevitable?”

    Oh. My. God. This is all President Obama’s fault! President Obama is putting your favourite overpriced pizza with a remarkably small delivery circle through a death panel!!!

    Well, no. Not really.

    It turns out that, despite the hand-wringing, concern-trolling presser, Nielson fails to state that he’s not actually shuttering the place.

    He’s selling it.

    Most likely at a profit.

    To the manager, who if he knows anything about the place he’s worked for what we can imagine is at least a few years, probably knows that he can keep the old pig running for a few more years.

    To recap: the owner of Chester Cab Pizza, among the most storied pizza places in Rochester; also the owner of Sticky Lips BBQ, easily the second and possibly the first most popular BBQ joint in Rochester; who opened another store in Henrietta under the evil and gluttonous gaze and thrice-cited “mandates” of the jack-booted Obama Administration thugs in 2004; this man is selling one of his businesses for a profit.

    Forgive me if I’m having a difficult time drawing a comparison to Wyatt’s Torch, here.

    About the only comparison to be drawn between Wyatt’s Torch and Chester Cab’s closing-that-is-not-a-closing is that they both represent remarkably childish, anti-social and demonstrative responses to a world your mama could have told you ain’t fair. They’re both high-flying public hissy fits, both absurd on their face, and both aimed more at publicity than at solutions to the supposed problems Wyatt and Nielson seem to think they have.

    The difference is that Wyatt did everyone the favour of getting the fuck out of town and joining Ayn Rand’s socialist paradise under glass. (You read me right: each according to their means, each according to their needs. Think about it) “Nielson states” that he’s going off to some far away land, only to use that highly-public freakout as a demonstration of Chester Cab’s value. And as free advertisement for all his properties, courtesy of Angela Hong, myself, most likely you, 13WHAM and god only knows how many more. And boom! Free soapbox for his fever-ridden political beliefs as an abused “job creator.”

    Enjoy your free advertisement, asshole. Pardon me whilst I shrug. Me and John Gault are getting shitfaced at Dinosaur BBQ tonight.

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    8 Responses to Chester Shrugged

    1. March 8, 2013 at 11:40 am Rottenchester responds:

      Not this crybaby crying again. His last little temper tantrum was over union workers supposedly harassing him at Sticky Lips. Here’s his post on that one:

      http://stickylipsbbq.com/stickylips/archives/507

      To make a long story short, the Sticky LIps on Jeff Road is on land that is leased from the market authority there, as a tax dodge. But one of the conditions to get the tax break is that you have to hire construction workers at prevailing wages, which basically means you need to hire union or pay what you would pay a union hire. Howard didn’t want to do that. So he unions pushed back and he cried and cried about it. Poor Howard wanted a tax break but he didn’t want to follow the rules. We cannot let that aggression stand. Break out the “Don’t tread on me” flags and the FUBO stickers!

      After reading his rants, I stopped eating at Sticky Lips. At Dinosaur and Beale Street the beer and barbeque isn’t accompanied by a side of half-baked Louie-Gohmert-fucked-Ayn-Rand bullshit.

      • March 8, 2013 at 11:48 am DragonFlyEye responds:

        It was in part because of his last round of grandstanding that I wrote this article. I just didn’t get a chance to link to the former.

        Sadly, while I like to keep my politics in a separate smoker, I don’t think I can look past this latest escapade.

    2. March 13, 2013 at 9:59 am peetledoo responds:

      “… why wait, my work is done.” Isn’t that what George Eastman wrote before he shot himself in the heart?

    3. Awesome article!

    4. Well written article, tx Thomas.. What a deep-dish douche.

    5. March 18, 2013 at 11:18 pm Mark Carbone responds:

      Sigh… Business is business. I’m too old for this kind of mental douching. Let the old man retire, with a profit.
      I only want to continue to order my pizza & wings.

    6. March 19, 2013 at 1:12 am Kay Jacoby responds:

      Thanks for the info.

      Why do people insist on losing my business by spouting off? If I didn’t know your wacky political views or see your offensive postings on fb (not Nielson) I’d still patronize your establishments, as long as I liked the products and services offered.

      Bad enough to encounter douchebaggery on an average day. I’m not about to pay for the privilege.