Do not click on this link unless you’re sure you’re ready.  This was done at Abu Ghraib in your name.  Let us not pretend that this was either an isolated incident or the act of a few bad apples.

Hey, Brittan.  It’s us, the United States.  You look good today.

So, yeah.  Remember that whole big flap thing about the “extraordinary rendition,” and how you said that none of our planes used to render prisoners had refueled on your bases anywhere?  Yeah, what a pisser that whole thing was, eh?  With the media and the parliament and all.  So last week. . .   Well, the darnedest thing happened.

Seems some guys down at the State Department accidentally left a box of floppies next to the toaster in the break room, and well, we just found them.  We’re always telling those guys not to bring their office stuff into the break room, but you know how it is, sometimes.  Anyway, it turns out that there may have been one, possibly two, of our planes that refueled in Diego Garcia.

I mean, with a name like Diego Garcia, who would have thought that was one of your guy’s bases anyway, right?  Don’t you guys normally name things like, “Her Majesty’s blah-blah-blah,” and stuff like that? You guys always name stuff after your queen chicks and such, and the English ones, not like the French ones and definitely no Spanish ones, if you have any of those lying around.

Well, the thing is, we know this might be a bit of a bummer for you.  But you guys got a new Prime Minister, so maybe if you just play cool, it’ll all blow over.  If you guys have anyone you need to render, we can totally hook you up, seriously.  Just ask.

We cool?  Awesome.

Just so you don’t think that Saudi Arabian law is at all unreasonable, justices in the Hizzle of Saudizizzles inform us that the woman who was gang-raped and then sentenced to 200 lashes was in fact having an affair:

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Saudi rape victim ‘having affair’

Saudi justice officials say a woman who was sentenced to prison and flogging after she was gang-raped has now confessed to an extramarital affair.

OIC. . . .

Saudi justice is like the Dimsdale of Justice, “A hard man, but fair.” (This reference is extremely obscure. If you get it, you probably grew up with an Atari Tan, like me)

But you’ll be happy to note that the United States, a chief ally of the Saudis, has wasted no time in responding to the verdict:

BBC NEWS | Middle East | Saudi rape victim ‘having affair’

Several governments and human rights groups have condemned her sentence and urged it to be lifted. Canada described it as “barbaric”. The US, a major Saudi ally, declined to condemn to sentence, but did call it “astonishing”.

Wow. They couldn’t even muster up a “grave concern,” for this poor woman?