No talk of Cherokees specifically if you’re looking for some insight on “the trail of tears.” Google that term if you’re interested. You can skip over lyrics from the 80’s hair band “Europe” and get straight to the actual history though.

I thought it would be cool to remind anyone who forgot, or anyone who never got the truth yet, the real story of “Thanksgiving.” A holiday that’s actually as religious as a dollar bill or the pledge of Allegiance. (In other words, “God” wasn’t put in there till later on.)

As you all know, you can’t start an American tradition without stomping on the civil rights of an entire people… This might have actually been one of the first - a precedent if you will!

The real story of Thanksgiving.

I can not tell a lie - my favorite Holiday for many years has been Thanksgiving. History class aside, it’s a perfect fit for my lazy American middle class ass. Oh, and sorry PETA, I eat meat. It’s all about the Turkey for me. (I have two eyes in the front of my head, which makes me a predator. If my eyes were all sideways like a Gazel or something, then I’d eat grass. You’re entitled to your beliefs and choices and all that, just don’t try and make me feel guilty for being on top of the food chain. )

As with most holidays that they try to tell you are about God, (we’ll touch on X-mas when the time comes) I don’t end up spending the day with any terribly religious people who are going to make me pray or talk about the things I’m thankful for or any of that 12 steps kind of horse-shit.

I also get along with most of my relatives so there isn’t any of the typical things for me to make fun of here. (And this year I’m even going to be with my in-laws! Still, no dread here!) No homosexual coming out parties yet, no weird Uncle getting loaded and saying things he shouldn’t, no Grandpa touching the women inappropriately, no Moms or Aunts having nervous breakdowns…

No, Thanksgiving is just a day off that involves a lot of my favorite spare time activities!

How could I not like a holiday where the whole day revolves around cocktails with the relatives, having a few laughs, eating a huge meal, taking a nap on the couch while the uncles swear at the TV about football calls, and then being woke up by the wife for coffee and my choice of snacks from a desert smörgåsbord?

You mean I don’t even have to buy cards for people?!

Top it off with the fact that this is the one floating holiday my employer hands out all year and it’s nearly a perfect day as far as I’m concerned.

Thanksgiving also begins the season of the illustrious “Great Cannoli Caper.” Every Holiday till after New Years will now involve the Italian men in my family scouring the house trying to find where “Ma” hid the chocolate cannolis so we can eat some prior to desert time. Some people are all about hunting deer this time of year… us wops are hunting the chocolate cannolis.

Still I can’t help but think how disgusting the whole thing is to me. Not just because it’s a day I’ve made into a holiday for gluttony, laziness, and a general statement of “I’m a man, so you ladies make the food, do the dishes, and maybe I’ll cut the bird for a photo op.”

Rather, it makes me sick that we have 2 holidays (the other being Columbus Day) that hide their true colors  in this phony “everything’s just swell” kind of mood when really we’re celebrating the robbery, rape, and murder of the Native Americans and their way of life.

So tomorrow, even if you’re not into prayer, take a minute and think about what a shitty deal the Real Americans got and let that swim around your insides between fork fulls of stuffing and mashed potatoes.

Then make sure you hit the stores bright and early Friday with all the other ass-holes… ’cause if we stop shopping than the terrorists win! Have fun waiting in line 3 hours to save $5 suckers!

(yeah, yeah, I know the sales are great and all, but it’s more fun to knock Black Friday down a peg… If you wanted political correctness, you wouldn’t be reading my posts now would you?)