So after years of throwing away - I mean, not receiving any sort of juror surveys - I finally got this official letter one day that stated I would be arrested and thrown in jail, as well a facing some mega-fine if I didn’t immediately fill out and return a survey to be entered into the pool of prospective jurors in NYS.

I seriously thought about throwing that one out too - I mean, not receiving it, but I confess - I chickened out.

Fast forward 4 or 5 months and now I’ve been officially summoned to serve. I must report to the hall of justice Monday in place of going to work. For the lovely waste of my time, I will be entitled to $40 under law.

…Oh boy, a whole $40, mister? Gee golly wiz…

My wife and I sat down last Sunday and made out a budget for the first time in 5 years. We are flat broke till September, when my kid starts going to 1st grade and I won’t need to spend almost $700 a month for day care. My wife and I both work now, and though I don’t make a lot of money at my job, I do make more than $40 a day - which I’m sure they’ll take taxes out of at the end of next year…

I’m also going to RIT at half-time status… 8 credits a quarter, vs full time students which starts at 12 credits.

I simply can’t afford to be on the jury, nor do I have the time.

Oh, and there’s this whole other thing too about our justice system being a total piece of shit. From the bottom of what’s left of my heart, I think a fair impartial trial is deserved by everyone in the world, and concrete evidence should be required to lock someone away… But seriously folks, I have absolutely no faith left in the justice system in this entire country. It’s corrupt from the bottom all the way to the top. It’s political, it’s dependent upon how much money you have, and frankly it’s just a facade for this country called America mascaraing as a true democracy.

How many people in the US - save, the world, do you think automatically make up their minds that someone is guilty the moment they’re placed under arrest? You think with a mind set like that there is much chance for a fair trial? It’s just a game of two lawyers who make more money than God, masturbating each other’s bloated egos - if the glove don’t fit you’re still full of shit. I for one do not wish to be thrown into the middle of that situation and have someone’s life in my hands as I help decide their fate.

I have very mixed feelings anyway, cause half the time I blame society for the crimes some people commit… an issue more of the economics and family situation - or rather the lack there of. However, other people are just plain guilty, and some of them are just plain evil and I’d shoot them myself if I wouldn’t go to jail for it. Rapists, child molesters, criminals who kill in cold blood, fat cat Enron type guys, the list goes on…

I’m contemplating trying anything I can think of to get out of jury duty. Saying I’m a Nazi or a racist, or even going so far as to paraphrase everything I wrote above.

There are some people, like my wife, who want to be on the jury… she was so disappointed that when she was summoned last year they never called her number to report. Why don’t they try to find people like that?

Just like everything else that’s wrong with this country, this is a perfect example of letting the government control us.

State: “You will serve on the jury or go to jail.”

Me: “But I’m really busy, and I really can’t afford to miss work… Plus I might be late for class or fall behind on my school work.”

State: “We don’t care about you or your problems… Now do what we say, and remember to thank God you’re an American… You do believe in God, right…”

Me: “Well… I… um…. It’s sort of more complicated then…”

State: “Off with his head!”

Here’s how out of touch I am… I just caught the news about the Obama speech on the Daily Show. I’ve been nerding it up screwing around in C++ for an RIT class since I got home from work - and having all kinds of computer issues with the school’s network and whatever.

Anyway, I catch small parts of clips from his Reverend preaching and small clips from Obama’s speech today. I’d also like to throw out that I agree with parts of the “God Damn America speech by the Rev.”

I have to throw it out there again that I think Obama is a great guy. He’s full of hope, optimism, sunshine, feel goods - he’s everything that’s been lacking in this country lately. However, I gotta say I’m still not convinced he’s got a lot of really solid ideas… I think he appeals to the part of us that thinks how we wish things could be. The part of me that has grown up a bit - beyond my years you may say - is saying that it’s just not how the world is.

Although I realize my ideals - my bleeding heart liberalness for example are likely out of step with reality and possible solutions, I still have them.

My kid was watching the new Justice League cartoon movie the other night (it could just as easily be for adults, you know… references to McCarthy and the red scare… politics, US history…) and Superman started giving this speech about America. The true values of America and what we’re supposed to stand for. Later they cut to a speech by John F. Kennedy - the go to the moon speech I think - and damn if I wasn’t crying a little.

I love this country… I love the ideals and the possibilities… I love the promise of how things should be here, and I hate with every inch of my being the people who fuck that up for the rest of us daily - and that is a huge list man. I hate the rape of innocence that happens in our society.

The real America… the one that cares about people and believes in honor and truth… the America that probably never existed in the first place - but none the less, the America they taught me about as a kid… the one I believed in when I formed by beliefs in this world… That’s the America I want to live in. That’s what I want my son to have someday.

Obama appeals to that thing in me. When I heard him talking about race issues with honesty and integrity - like I said I’m floored. This speech deserves much better commentary than I or the news media can give it right now. I’m left with many thoughts, a bit of guilt, and maybe even a sliver of hope - something I’ve only felt twice in the past 6 years. Once when I was on a bus to Washington D.C. to protest the War, and once when the results for the 2004 election weren’t in yet and we thought common sense would kick out Bush.

Jon Stuart summed the whole issue up best though - and I’ll attempt to paraphrase:

“So there you have it folks. At 11am today, March 18th, 2008, a promising political figure in the United States talked to the American people about race… like they were adults.”

Bruce is here… He’s at the War Memorial - scratch that - The Blue Cross Arena playing a gig.

I am sitting on my couch writing this, sipping on a room temperature beer I’ve been nursing over an hour.

I realize that I am kinda self destructive. Maybe it warrants talking to a professional and not just blogging about it, but I seem to just not care about anything anymore.  I find myself unwilling to do the work it takes for the things I want… I have no enthusiasm for putting in effort at all.

From my dreams of making a career out of playing music and writing songs, to my day job, to buying parts for my motorcycle project, to college, to keeping in touch with friends… even being a husband and father.

I notice I just sort of go through each day like a horse dragging a cart and then at the end of the day I see the clock hit a certain time and I decide I better go try to sleep so I can get up and do it all over again.

My wife said the other night that she feels like I never take advantage of situations or I never make it a point to go out and do something - “Why don’t we go a band playing at a local bar?,” she asks. Why don’t I get us a sitter and take her to a movie at The Little? I make excuses like, “Oh, well I’ve never heard of them.” Or, “I don’t really like that place.” We skip the movies because I don’t know if I’ll like it. “It’s not exactly cheap either!,” I think to myself.

Why when Bruce Springsteen comes to town - not that I like him all that much, but I do like him enough and he is pretty awesome - why do I not get tickets and go see that show? Actually, why did I not even know about it until a few days ago anyway? Somehow I distanced myself from the media to a point where I’m 2 steps away from living in a cabin in the woods…

Something happened. I grew up, and got old and lame and awfully cynical way to fast.

So here I sit, like a sack of rocks while the Boss is up there playing his ass off as usual.

I can complain about Rochester all I want, but when there is finally something going on I can’t just blow it off.

How about a better late than never new years resolution…? I will do what it takes to find effort for life again. I will take in what I can from this town and it’s events - big and small. I’ll go to the open mics again. I’ll play in your bars and clubs. I will try to make more of each and everyday than just passing it by in a gloomy haze.

It’s not 100% truth, but to a point you get what you deserve. All you gotta do it give it your best shot. I haven’t tried now in longer than I even know - and for that I am getting what I deserve.

I could learn a lot from the Boss. That’s a guy who certainly has the effort. He’s like bottled lightning… the romanticized longing and desperation in those lyrics - giving it all you got for something that seems so hopeless or so overlooked.

“…But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin
And can’t stand the company.”

Bruce

Friday, Feb 29th:

Ok, so I’ve been sick as hell most of this week. It’s some weird combo of the flu, a bad cold, bronchitis which is accompanied by aches, pains, dizzy spells, lack of strength, the chills, a fever, profuse sweating, a cough like a big daddy seal - no not the kissed by a rose guy - and a dry burning feeling in my throat and sinuses.

So while I was back at home today by noon after a valiant attempt at going back to work this morning, I got to indulge in some napping while pushing fluids and channel surfing.

Somehow I ended up on CSPAN and guess who’s running again, this time as an independent… Ralph Nader.

Now, maybe it’s my illness, but I think this is cool. As I previously stated, I’m less than thrilled with the top choices this year. I’ve been kinda back and forth on Nader or third parties in general in the past 8 or 9 years. I bought into the Nader cost Gore Florida thing… In 2004 I didn’t want him to run because like most of you I sold my soul to anything that looked safe enough to beat Bush.

Well guess what. I’ve learned as I’ve grown older that none of this matters anyway. I seriously doubt that on the whole much will be different if a republican or a democrat wins the election next November. Nobody is a strong anti-war candidate… nobody has any bright ideas to turn things around here economically… The list of problems is endless, and sure maybe there will be a little difference between a guy like Obama and a guy like McCain - Or a Women Like Clinton… whatever.

Point is, Nader said something that stood out in my mind. Think of all the positive changes brought to light by third party candidates in the past. Hell, even the two big parties were third parties at one point. A third party long shot doesn’t run to win - cause they know in the current political game they aren’t allowed.

They run to steal votes. They run to bring issues out. They run to start grass roots movements and hopefully make a change. They run to open peoples minds a bit, and maybe someday after years of chipping away at the stone, they end up as a main party, or better yet they actually lay the ground work for change. Like ending slavery, giving women the right to vote, helping poor laborers.

So who knows. Maybe it’s the green lung talking, but if I’m going to throw my vote away in a meaningless election (like a republican will win NY state?) anyway I might as well feel good about writing my name in the snow.

Though like I’m fond of saying, you can only piss into the wind so long before you get your pants all wet.