Bruce is here… He’s at the War Memorial - scratch that - The Blue Cross Arena playing a gig.

I am sitting on my couch writing this, sipping on a room temperature beer I’ve been nursing over an hour.

I realize that I am kinda self destructive. Maybe it warrants talking to a professional and not just blogging about it, but I seem to just not care about anything anymore.  I find myself unwilling to do the work it takes for the things I want… I have no enthusiasm for putting in effort at all.

From my dreams of making a career out of playing music and writing songs, to my day job, to buying parts for my motorcycle project, to college, to keeping in touch with friends… even being a husband and father.

I notice I just sort of go through each day like a horse dragging a cart and then at the end of the day I see the clock hit a certain time and I decide I better go try to sleep so I can get up and do it all over again.

My wife said the other night that she feels like I never take advantage of situations or I never make it a point to go out and do something - “Why don’t we go a band playing at a local bar?,” she asks. Why don’t I get us a sitter and take her to a movie at The Little? I make excuses like, “Oh, well I’ve never heard of them.” Or, “I don’t really like that place.” We skip the movies because I don’t know if I’ll like it. “It’s not exactly cheap either!,” I think to myself.

Why when Bruce Springsteen comes to town - not that I like him all that much, but I do like him enough and he is pretty awesome - why do I not get tickets and go see that show? Actually, why did I not even know about it until a few days ago anyway? Somehow I distanced myself from the media to a point where I’m 2 steps away from living in a cabin in the woods…

Something happened. I grew up, and got old and lame and awfully cynical way to fast.

So here I sit, like a sack of rocks while the Boss is up there playing his ass off as usual.

I can complain about Rochester all I want, but when there is finally something going on I can’t just blow it off.

How about a better late than never new years resolution…? I will do what it takes to find effort for life again. I will take in what I can from this town and it’s events - big and small. I’ll go to the open mics again. I’ll play in your bars and clubs. I will try to make more of each and everyday than just passing it by in a gloomy haze.

It’s not 100% truth, but to a point you get what you deserve. All you gotta do it give it your best shot. I haven’t tried now in longer than I even know - and for that I am getting what I deserve.

I could learn a lot from the Boss. That’s a guy who certainly has the effort. He’s like bottled lightning… the romanticized longing and desperation in those lyrics - giving it all you got for something that seems so hopeless or so overlooked.

“…But it’s a sad man my friend who’s livin’ in his own skin
And can’t stand the company.”

Bruce