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The Chupa-Dobson

I’ve made a point on this blog not to post on the weekends. This isn’t an iron-clad rule, but I’ve been fairly consistent recently. The primary reason for this is that I believe the whole “24-hour news cycle” is simply a marketing scheme meant to push advertisement sales at news channels, and we could probably all benefit from taking a small break on the weekends to reflect.

But there are times when I have to admit I’m wrong, and this weekend certainly was one of those. In an unusually eventful weekend, Barack Obama seems to have swept all the primaries and caucuses on the Democratic side, having won in four states. And on the Republican side, James Dobson suddenly decided that Chuck Norris was fighting on the side of God – the Right-Hand Karate Chop of the Lord, as it were – and threw his support to Mike Huckabee.  Or at least, that’s the way the media has –  seemingly without a trace of reflection or analysis – chosen to let Huckabee and Dobson spin it.

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If You’re Gonna Tap It, Wrap It

Um. . . yeah.

John McCain is canceling a trip to Europe to “wrap this thing up,” on the Republican side and start going after Democrats.  Of course, “this thing” was supposed to have gotten wrapped up last night, but that doesn’t appear to have happened.  Wait.  Why was John McCain going to Europe in the middle of a presidential primary?

And I suspect the wrap up in question will doubtless include a nod to Huckabee for the Veep position on the ticket.

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Upsetting the Kingmakers

There are, of course, any number of different ways to analyze the Iowa results, most of them useless.  So, let me offer yet another useless bilge of thought. . .

One thing about Republican politics that differs from Democratic politics is the sort of Kingmaker role of the Washington big boys.  While I would never claim that Washington Democratic insiders have no bearing or influence on caucus/primary politics, in the Republican Party, there generally seems to be a consensus as to whom the nominee will be, often long before the primaries.  There seems to be some appetite among Republican voters, and definitely some conceit among Republican insiders, for a kind of coronation of the next candidate.  The Next Reagan.

And like Reagan, like George the Younger, they don’t have to be good or even smart.  They just have to be a figurehead behind whom Americans can rally.  They have to be symbols of something marketable, so as to allow the real leaders, the heads of the Republican Party think tanks, to get their game plans into place.

This year, with Republicans falling back in dismay on all fronts, Huckabee’s victory in Iowa is yet another kick in the teeth to most of the Republican leadership.  Republicans and many pundits will scoff that Huck won’t win in New Hampshire and that his candidacy ends there.  But the fact is, Huck has represented the first real spark of interest the electorate has had on the Republican side of the isle in this entire extended campaign season.  The last best thing was Derf Thompson, the Man Who Would Be Sleeping.

Huckabee will doubtless not win the N.H. primary, but if he places second or even arguably third, he stays relevant.  Meanwhile, his popularity has risen dramatically across the country, making it possible to carry some of the more Conservative, Evangelical Republican primaries . . . such as South Carolina.  The question for the Huckababies is: can he stay ahead of the bad press he’s getting, with all the foibles and follies of the last week?  Iowa certainly seems to suggest a “yes.”

And while nothing is certain or foreordained in this Republican primary season, what has guys like William the Bloody really upset is that the ordination may happen somewhere in Corn Country without them.

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Here’s an Awful Thought. . .

It’s looking right now like Obama may have taken Iowa, but there’s lots to go.  Still, that doesn’t exactly put Hillary Clinton out of the race by a long shot, however damaging a third-place loss to Obama and Edwards might be for the Hill-diddy.

In the Republican race, the news outlets are already calling it fairly decisive for Huckabee, which we all kinda figured.  But what I didn’t figure on was just how big the numbers would be for him.  Wow, what a victory.  And on MSNBC, Pat Buchanan called it correctly, I think: the decision for Evangelicals and Conservatives is whether they can get past Huck’s other problems and get behind him, because it’s going to possibly come down to Huck and McCain.

So, now for that awful thought I was telling you about.  What happens if Huck wins the Republican Party’s nomination, and Hillary Clinton wins the Democratic?  Can you imagine the turn-off Hillary would be compared to the Nice Guy Nazi, Mike Huckabee?  How much resentment of the Clinton Years, how much distaste for Hillary’s cold feel and braying voice?  How much easier it would be for those who voted for “Teh Regular Guy,” George Bush the Younger to turn around and vote for the Affable Apostle Authoritarian?

Holy shit, people.  I just got a chill up my spine.

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My Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions

Of course, how trite of me to have a New Year’s Resolutions list, eh? But then, the start of a new year, like any mathematically or biologically significant milestone in the wheel of life, is a good time to reflect on what has been and what you hope should be. I’ve never ascribed to the concept of “resolutions,” in the sense of those silly promises you know you can’t keep. Rather, I prefer to take the opportunity to look out on the new cycle and set some long-term goals which have at least the appearance of achievability, and those whose aim it is to make me just a little bit better off than I was before.

And so, for the sake of both reflection and anticipation, I commit my most relevant political resolutions for the coming year:

1. I resolve to remind myself that “sovereignty” is not a word important only to the United States.

All too often in the discussion of the War on Terror, our entire dialogue happens in the absence of this very basic fact. I thought about this again while watching Pumpkin Head in the last Sunday morning of the Old Year, questioning politicians about the situation in Pakistan. I regret to say that Mike Huckabee did better with his answer than did Barack Obama. But both politicians and Tim Russert all seemed to forget that Pakistan, for all the aid we might have provided them, is still a sovereign nation. When Barack Obama says we need to “be sure” that elections in Pakistan are fair, well, the fact is that we don’t have the right to make that call. We tend to forget that while we get all wrapped up in our own problems.

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On Homosexuality and “Choice”

Mike Huckabee is, of course, on record as having said that homosexuality is a choice.  That may or may not be, the science is not perfect.  But, thinking logically, if homosexuality is a choice, then heterosexuality is also a choice.  If that’s the case, then I’m sure Mike wouldn’t mind demonstrating by fucking a man up the ass, then returning the favour, then finally having sex with a woman (because you know how those Conservatives can be. . .).  Once I’ve seen him do this, on video tape, I will forever consider homosexuality a choice which can be un-chosen.

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Huckabee: One of Those Good News/Bad News Weeks

Well, there’s some great news for Mike Huckabee in the national Republican polls.  Seems the Huckster has pulled to within the statistical dead heat with Rudy Giuliani among likely Republican Voters.  Wow!  That’s amazing!

OK, now for the bad news: old news coming back to bit him.  Doncha just know, every Republican in the field has to have one of these this year?   And how apropos (my new word of the day, apparently), the quintessential “nice guy” Conservative’s Achilles Heel just happens to be his dog-torturing fatty son.

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Huckabee: Men are a lot like Christ. . .

. . . or at least, they’re much more like Christ than women.

The Huckster is always getting tripped up by his past. It seems to be the Republican Achilles Heel, this year, whereas it has been the Democratic one in years past.  Well, get ready for a gem, folks. This one’s so good, it almost makes me give a crap about frickin’ Daily Kos:

Daily Kos: Huckabee: women’s role in marriage is to “graciously submit”

In August of 1998, Huckabee was one of 131 signatories to a full page USA Today Ad which declared: “I affirm the statement on the family issued by the 1998 Southern Baptist Convention.” What was in the family statement from the SBC? “A wife is to submit herself graciously to the servant leadership of her husband even as the church willingly submits to the headship of Christ.”