In Defense of Your Average “MILF”

Soldiers in the first World War coined an acronym, FUBAR, which means “Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition.” In Vietnam, the acronym SNAFU was entered into the lexicon, which means “Situation Normal: All Fucked Up.” In a world where Janet Jackson’s nipple can cause lawsuits and Congressional hearings, you would surely have expected these words to lie outside the bounds of polite conversation, but it is not so.

In fact, these two acronyms – entangled as they are with the word “fuck” – have become so much a part of our vocabulary that Washington reporters can’t wait to use the words, uncapitalized, in the middle of serious articles. “Casting Color Snafu Has Parents Seeing Red,” for example. That is despite the fact that these two acronyms are certainly known and understood for their definitions by a goodly number of people in positions of responsibility.

But the newest colloquial acronym which features the dreaded F* Bomb has met with stern resistance and outright, pearl-clutching shock and horror. Citizens reportedly representing women express utter disgust as this vile new word-mashup spreads its foul influence across the Internet. That new acronym is MILF, which means “Mother I‘d Love to Fuck.”

And the fight has reached a fevered pitch for the “Milf Deniers,” or whatever you’d like to call them. Tori Amos recently released her newest album, entitled The American Doll Posse, which includes a track called Big Wheel, that also uses the dreaded “M* Word,” or “M* Acronym,” which ever phrase suits your fancy. Media outlets of all stripes, fearing the repercussions, have vehemently resisted the expression of this word at any time of day or night, and have redoubled their efforts since the release of this repugnant new song. The Tori song is edited on the radio, edited on MTV, and NBC has gone so far as to make her change the whole song for the David Letterman show. I’m sure Dave was depressed by that: Dave *loves* Tori.

But what is it about this new word which makes it so positively verboten? If “snafu” is OK at a White House press conference, why is “milf” not OK for the David Letterman Show, of all things? I’ll explain why I think it is not at all wrong, and actually positive, after the flip. Flip.

Calibrate Your Outrage

If your objection to the word “milf” stems from the use of the word “fuck,” then this is the part of the Twist-o-Plot where you stop reading. I cannot argue that the word “fuck” is not one of those words on George Carlin’s venerated list. Whether it is vulgar or not remains open for speculation, but there is no question that it’s a no-no for television.

But what remains is the contradiction with “fubar” and “snafu.” So for those of you who prefer consistency, read on.

The word “milf” comes to us (no pun intended) from the adult film industry. Isn’t that a nice phrase for it? Sounds like a good place for a boy to start his career. More specifically, though, the word comes from the online amature porn community, where positively nothing is verboten and in fact actively encouraged. This stripe of the porn biz takes up billions every year and is probably the biggest growing industry in America.

But of course, since it’s people and their cameras, and part of the thrill is reveling in your own uninhibited behaviour, the lexicon is predictably and uniformly more vulgar even than most commercial pornography. Indeed, in a world so splashed with reproductive discharge as so many starlets-per-video, there is plenty enough to be offended by even without the word “milf.” You might even say (as indeed I do) that when viewed from this context, the word loses a significant portion of it’s sting.

And so we are left merely with the phrase and it’s definition: that of an attractive woman with one or more children, or in many contexts, merely a woman over an unspecified age which qualifies you to be “the Crone.” Let’s be clear: if the world from which this word evolved is generally vulgar, it is also exceedingly honest. You are free to record whatever you’d like and sell it wherever you wish; you are equally free to buy whatever floats your “Little Man in the Boat.” Nowhere on Earth are Free Market economics more free; it’s a Republican dream.

The same can not be said for the mainstream media. In television and movies, we are fed what Hollywood and Corporate Media believe are the things we want. More probably, we are fed things that are good for the industry if we *do* want: young starlets and fresh faces. No need to pay too much for an experienced actress if you can get the girl dying for a chance. And so we are constantly told that young is good, old is . . well, just not very desirable. Women over that unspecified age who want to get laid are randy old whores, not fit for television, certainly; 20-somethings who barely get what sex is about are far more desirable role models.

In fact, there is always the phrase “motherfucker.” Implicit here is that once a woman has borne children, she is forever the Crone, ne’er to return and ne’er to kiss a boy. Only the Maiden is acceptable, a mature woman is even something to be feared. So according to mainstream media, the only way for an “older” woman to be attractive is for her to be – to whatever extent this is possible, even risking life and health – young.

But search any adult website for the word “milf,” “mature,” “mother,” and you get a completely different picture of human sexuality altogether. No, it’s not fit for Oprah, but it is honest.

So don’t miss the big picture, here: the word has bubbled up from the mushroom-scented depths of the pornography industry precisely because there are many people who find older women attractive, even if they’re not trying to be teenie-boppers. Not only are mature women attractive, they drive an entire subset of the porn industry, regardless what our media tells us.

And so, in referring to herself as a “milf,” Tori Amos bursts the offense bubble and acknowledges that it’s no more bad to say “milf” than it is to be one.