The Very Latest in Ill-Conceived Ideas

The human capacity to come up with dip-shit ideas – and to have those imbecilic ideas take hold and become popular – is a thing deserving of nothing less than our unadulterated astonishment.  Just when you thought there couldn’t be more stupid ideas, POP!  Out comes another subnormal rumination which positively reeks of some divine type of stunted genius.

To whit: the “Urban Chicken Movement.”  No, it’s not a dance.  This eager group of go-getters are here to tell all of us that those people who’ve been under the impression that chickens grew in the country – where there’s lots of fresh air and room to roam – just weren’t thinking far enough out of the box:

How to Keep Chickens in a City – WikiHow

Join the “urban chicken movement” and raise your own backyard flock. Chickens are both entertaining and useful to keep. They cost very little to raise and they earn their rent by laying eggs for you. What follows is a brief introduction to keeping chickens within the constraint of an urban environment.

What a great idea!  What could be better than foot-long city rats?  Why, foot-and-a-half-long city rats fed on a steady diet of chicken feed and sharing diseases with our feathered friends, that’s what!  And check out these helpful suggestions for your personal city-yard chicken coop:

How to Keep Chickens in a City – WikiHow

If you’re handy, you can easily build one using a design you find on the Internet, or something you already have lying around. There are many different types of successful chicken coops that imaginative people have created, made from things as strange as an old truck cap to a dog house. . .

Ah, yes. “Imaginative,” . . . that’s the word I’ve been looking for!  A littered lawn is just irresponsible, but let chickens shit on it, and suddenly you’re the Seneca Park fucking Zoo.

Are these people trying to spread bird flu, or what?  It makes me wonder – as often, I do – whether some of the nuttier quarters of the “Green Living” community aren’t being subsidized by Exxon-Mobile for the sake of invalidating the good suggestions the rest of us might have. . .

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By Tommy Belknap

Owner, developer, editor of DragonFlyEye.Net, Tom Belknap is also a freelance journalist for The 585 lifestyle magazine. He lives in the Rochester area with his wife and son.

4 replies on “The Very Latest in Ill-Conceived Ideas”

You are an idiot, obviously know nothing about chickens and the value thereof, and can consider yourself Dugg down as “Lame” only because there is not a “Stupid” digg.

@DZ – I think I’ll let that comment stand on it’s own merits. You don’t bother to refute even a single claim, just tell me I’m an idiot. Substance is everything, my friend.

It does sound like a recipe for disease. There is already enough abuse in the chicken farming industry in the country, without trying to pack a bunch of chickens into too small a living space in the city as well.

@Netmonger ~ Exactly! There’s absolutely nothing pleasant about chickens, actually. Even under the best of circumstances, they can be a problem. I know because my father had eighteen of them at his house, . . . but he had them about 100 yards from the house in their own coop in the middle of the country. Letting people in the middle of the city (notoriously ill-informed in the ways of *actual* nature) raise their own chickens is nuts. In fact, that would be reasonable cause to deny those people health benefits and seats on the bus, if you ask me.

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