Two Wars, an Economy in Crisis and. . .

. . . the Westminster Dog Show.

That’s right. PETA decided now was the time to protest the fucking Westminster Dog Show dressed in KKK outfits. Seriously? Apparently, breeding dogs is a question of creating a “Master Race.” That’s the well-considered position of PETA, an animal rights activist group that presumably expects to be taken seriously.

So, tell me: which of these is the “Master Race” of dogs? Is it this one:

Or this one:

Which do you suppose strikes more fear into the heart of the non-Aryan?

So, to the extent that I really have nothing better to do this morning, it’s totally worth the effort just rattle off the things that come to mind making PETA look like a bunch of fucking ass-munching douchebags as usual:

First of all, breeds and races are not in any way related. A race represents a huge population of humans who share a geographic origin, skin color and facial features, but are an otherwise genetically diverse group amongst which inter-procreating is normal and non-destructive. Breeds are really the selective reinforcement of specific genetic traits through careful breeding of genetically similar animals. Inter-procreation among these animals can sometimes have negative effects because they are so closely related, but at the same time, holding together a breed is an act of constant diligence akin to picking up Jell-O with salad tongs.

Indeed, the notion that breeding can even effect a modest change in the overall dog population is farce. The overwhelming majority of dogs are not pure bred in the first place and have no interest in maintaining their genetic identity, screwing each other with wild abandon. This is also distinct from, say, inter-species breeding in birds or butterflies, which is generally not possible. A Schnauzer does the hokey-pokey with a Lhasa Apso, and before you know it, you’re right back to just plain “dog.”

But whatever you think of the genetics of breeding, there is a huge and one would think not terribly nuanced difference between selectively breeding dogs and systematically exterminating Jews. Moreover, the Westminster Dog Show has dogs competing within their own breeds, in classes of breeds and finally in Best of Show. If there was one “Master Race” of dogs, it wouldn’t be much fun, now would it?

Notice that they don’t make the direct case for animal cruelty, and there’s little wonder why. While there is always an exception to prove every rule, dog handlers treat their dogs better than most of their families. This is a labour of love for which there is very little reward and hundreds of thousands of dollars lost every year. Yes, it’s also a labour of egos for the rich, we can admit that. But these dogs eat the best food, live in the best conditions, get the best veterinarian care.

There are millions of dogs all across America and the planet, scattered to the four winds and fending for themselves or sitting in shelters waiting to get gassed. Why are these dogs the ones you need to make a show for? Call me cynical, but I think I know the answer to this last question: because cameras don’t show up at animal shelters very often. Fuck the dead dogs, let’s make a show about the pretty ones.

By Tommy Belknap

Owner, developer, editor of DragonFlyEye.Net, Tom Belknap is also a freelance journalist for The 585 lifestyle magazine. He lives in the Rochester area with his wife and son.