Thousands of jihadis need to invest in LifeLock, now.

Whoops! Identity theft is a bitch under the best of circumstances. But when your modus operandi is shooting YouTube videos spouting hate-filled rhetoric while wearing a black mask? Just. the worst.

A former jihadi who decided to go straight took a thumb drive with him when he did so. And exposing that information to the world, he exposed the entrance forms of thousands of jihadis.

Entrance forms for ISIS? Preen all you like, jihadis. But you can’t pretend not to value American culture while at the same time, swallowing the drab pablum of our suffocating corporate policy without an ounce of irony.

Grab a Whopper and take a number like the rest of us.

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