This Just In: God Hates Fags, Adores Irony

Yes, the God Hates Fags people are back in the news, this time, picketing George Carlin’s funeral.  They’ve even issued a highly-amusing press release.  They proclaim that God has killed the “potty-mouth” comedian.  Don’t ya just love how people like this say people they like were “called to be with God” when they die, but people they don’t like have been “killed by God?”

No chance you’ve got that backwards, eh, fellas?

In the Bullshit Department, a businessman can’t hold a candle to a clergyman. ‘Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.

Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man — living in the sky — who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

But He loves you.

He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

George Carlin


Correspondence From the Battlefield

Even before the yearly Thanksgiving celebrations have commenced, a yuletide tradition has begun again in earnest. The Christian Right, labouring to find another rallying issue for Conservatives to come together on, have taken up the cause of defending Christmas from the evil doers. Not content with an 85 percent majority Christian population, the Conservative face of religion in this country demands that Jesus be in every single advertisement across the country. Because, of course, Jesus approved of low prices. Failing this, the Right has decided that the other fifteen percent of Americans have started a “War on Christmas,” and have taken up arms to defend her clove-scented loins from the despoiling Atheist masses.

What does the future of this most serious of war zones look like? In years past, I’ve tried to answer that question. But for the last two years, I’ve sat on the sidelines. . . No longer! This blog will once again dedicate itself to bringing you the answers, at great risk to the life and limb of this blogger. We will go out onto the front lines, embedded with the fighting men, in a series I have traditionally taken to calling:

Ho, Ho, Ho, Muthaf*cker!