Well, it’s currently 4.5 of my efforts at smoking cessation, so how’s it going?? Surprisingly easy in ways.? Like I said in my previous post on the subject, most of the triggers are gone, and one that I forgot to mention in that last post was the culture of smoking.? Its just a thing: you’re freinds, you all smoke, and when you get frustrated with the job, you grab a buddy and say “wanna smoke?”? Nothing sinister about that, and your friends will leave you alone if you don’t want to smoke, too.? All alone, and then you feel left out.
But all that is gone at the moment, and unless I find my thoughts naturally drifting towards smoking, they just don’t go there.? But I am addicted, after all, and the mind wanders occasionally.
It’s a very strange sensation, or really, several strange sensations in rotation.? Sometimes, I feel just a little bit maudlin about not smoking: there was still a side of me that enjoyed it, but that side is quickly over-run by the fact that most of me did not enjoy it anymore.? Sometimes, I feel like I’ve been holding a brick in the air: it would be easier just to let go and have a smoke.? That’s a tough one to counter-act, especially since I have the money to just go get a pack any time I want.? Sometimes, it feels like I’ve forgotten to lock the door: you know the feeling?? That sinking suspicion that you’ve forgotten to lock the door, and the impulse to just turn right around and run back to the house?? Yeah, I get that feeling about smoking.? The sudden urge to turn around and run back to get a pack of smokes.
But in all of this, I have never once felt the physical addiction symptoms that I’ve felt in other efforts of the past.? How strange is that?? Perhaps, by slowly eliminating the triggers, I’ve also cut out the regularity of smoking to some degree.? Perhaps, by cutting out the regularity, the physical addiction ~ while I’m sure it still exists ~ has learned to be more patient because the mental addiction will always find and excuse to smoke.
But not this time, I’m determined.? I feel very, very good about what I’m doing, and the fiancee is very proud of me.? Things are going well, and they’re going to keep on going.? I’ll be around the bend and done with smoking for a week solid before long, and we’ll see how I feel then.
Thanks for reading!